Could “connection over perfection” help with planning?
(just click on the pondering pic to enlarge if needed)
This idea comes from Priya Parker who wrote the book ‘The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters’ - in which she encourages “a human-centred approach to gathering that will help everyone create meaningful, memorable experiences, large and small, for work and for play”.
The aim of Planning Club is to help us use planning to ultimately make our lives happier - and that means hopefully creating more meaningful & memorable moments. But it’s easy to get caught up in the logistics sometimes, so I feel that this “connection over perfection” mantra might be a useful one to keep in mind…
…though it’s important to say that we’re all different - so if planning elaborate get-togethers brings you joy then go for it! But making things ‘perfect’ can be time-consuming. If you feel that it’s getting in the way of actually organising meet-ups then prioritising ‘connection’ instead might take some pressure off - and the easier something is to plan then the more likely it is to actually happen.
Every gathering will be different, so Priya advises first getting clear about the purpose of the get-together - and really thinking about the underlying purpose, e.g. for a dinner with friends, it could be ‘to have enough time to catch up properly on the last few months’ or ‘to start looking at options for our big trip next year’ or ‘to celebrate Sam’s new job’ etc. Then keeping that specific purpose in mind can give us a good starting point for planning the logistics of when/where/what etc.
To help, here are a few questions to consider…
Does the ‘where’ really matter?
It depends on what we’re organising, as sometimes it does matter - if we’re meeting a friend for a heart-to-heart then maybe a crowded bar wouldn’t be the best choice… or if we’re researching options for a trip then we’ll probably need WiFi… but often we can get hung up on details like the location etc. when the important thing is actually just being together. If the effort of finding the ‘ideal’ venue is getting in the way of actually arranging the meet-up then we might need to let go of perfection and just pick anywhere convenient - you might find a new favourite! But if not then focus on the people rather than the place.
How much structure is needed?
Again, there’s no right or wrong here - but it’s a question to ask ourselves when we’re organising something. If we’re bringing together a group of people who don’t know each other very well then sometimes some structured activities can be helpful… but if a get-together is very structured then it might not leave room for the kind of spontaneous chats where real connections are often made. Sometimes simpler is better, as well as being easier to plan!
Could limitations be turned into the theme?
Sometimes we can miss out on seeing people ‘cos we think we’ve not got enough time/money/food etc. - but if we keep in mind the “connection over perfection” idea then we could try turning these constraints into the theme instead…
Not enough time? Maybe it’s a ‘speed catch-up’ - or combining a catch-up with something else we have to do
Not enough food in the fridge? Get everyone to bring something and then make a ‘mish-mash’ meal out of it all
Not enough money for eating out? Bring something from home for an outdoor/indoor picnic - or meet for a walk instead
So, as well as making the planning less stressful, taking the focus off ‘perfection’ can also help us to enjoy meet-ups more - and even if things go wrong then they often make the best stories (which can help to connect us further!)
And remember, nothing works for everyone! So if this doesn’t appeal - or you’ve tried it and it didn’t really work - then don’t worry, it’s just not the right thing for you… could you tweak it to make it work better? (or take a look at the other ponderings for more ideas)
