Doing something new can be tough… are you in an ‘FFT’?
(just click on the pondering pic to enlarge if needed)
This pondering might not seem immediately connected with planning – and it can definitely apply to other areas of life too… but planning often involves starting something new (whether that’s establishing a planning routine in the first place – or trying out other new habits) and that can sometimes be tough, which is why I think Brené Brown’s words of wisdom are worth thinking about…
She’s put a name to something that many of us have probably experienced – feeling out of our depth when starting something new. Just giving something a name can help us to deal with it – so she’s called these moments ‘FFTs’ (which stands for ‘f*cking first times’ – or she suggests TFTs for ‘terrible first times’ if you’re using this idea with kids or just prefer being less sweary!)
Giving something a name can help to normalise it…
Now that it has a name, we can identify what’s happening – so if you’re wanting to get fitter, but then you’re in that new gym class and feeling like you’ll never get the hang of it… or you’re trying out a new app to keep on track, but all the options are a bit overwhelming… or you’ve decided to establish a new bedtime routine with your kids and it’s not going well so far… then we can say to ourselves “the reason this is hard is ‘cos it’s an FFT”.
I first heard about this idea when she launched her ‘Unlocking Us’ podcast in the early days of the pandemic (the episode link is here if you’d like to listen) – and it’s something that I often think about when I’m getting started with something and feel that I’m never going to get to grips with it. Just recently, I was trying to get the hang of Canva and was ready to throw my laptop out of the window! But much better to remind myself that it was just an FFT moment and would hopefully get easier…
Sometimes just recognising that our feelings are normal in this situation can help to make us feel better – and it also puts it in perspective, i.e. this probably feels tricky ‘cos it’s something new… but this stage won’t last forever and things often get easier if we stick at them. It reminds us to check our expectations too and recognise that it might take a while to feel comfortable, but that the only way we’ll get there is by carrying on.
Why it’s important… (and when it might not be)
Trying new things has actually been shown to improve our wellbeing (that’s why it’s one of the 10 Keys to Happier Living!) – it might not always be easy, but Brené reminds us that being a bit uncomfortable is how we make changes: “when we give up being new and awkward, we stop growing… the discomfort of exploration, of doing new things, of being an awkward rookie again, that’s the juice, it’s our lifeblood”. It’s also a virtuous circle – ‘cos the more we do it, the more we know that we can deal with that ‘FFT’ feeling and the more we’re willing to try.
One caveat is that this isn’t about ‘pushing through’ if things really aren’t working. Sometimes we do have to listen to our intuition if something doesn’t feel right – and especially if things still feel really tough when we’ve been doing them for a while then that’s a different thing and we need to consider whether to stop and/or what changes we can make… but if we’re in the early days with something then just reminding ourselves that ‘FFTs’ are normal – and that it’s likely to get better – might help (and obviously if the “something new” that you’re trying to start is establishing a regular planning routine – then think about whether joining Planning Club for some support and accountability might be useful!)
And remember, nothing works for everyone! So if this doesn’t appeal - or you’ve tried it and it didn’t really work - then don’t worry, it’s just not the right thing for you… could you tweak it to make it work better? (or take a look at the other ponderings for more ideas)
